My Coming Out Story, By Alec Frazier and Autistic Reality

My Definition of Pride

Marching in the DC Pride Parade

Pride is the contentment and wonder that results from the exciting, amazing ability everyone has to be who they truly are.

The Body

Two Men Kissing

My brother and I have been known to tussle. One time when I was about 19 years old, one of these tussles ended with me bleeding out my ear. My mother and I went to the hospital and as I lay in the emergency room, I told her that I was bisexual. She asked what had brought that about, and I said, “Well mom, I saw Troy…” We discussed it further, and I admitted that I had been that way from the get-go. There was a short time of me telling people, none of whom reacted negatively at all. My father was fine with it, my brother was fine with it, my friends were fine with it.

Shortly after this time, I had my first sexual encounter with a male, and it was much more fulfilling than the sex I had had with a female earlier. My brother had at one point said, “Come on Alec, we all know you’re actually gay.” So, I admitted to myself after this encounter that I was gay. My mother was great with it, saying she had known from the moment I was born. My brother was awesome with it, as were all of his friends except for Carl Sagan’s youngest son, who ran from the house and would not come back in. He later admitted that I had just caught him by surprise. My father was also great with it, and asked me “technical” questions that I had no problem filling him in on. My relatives were all okay with it, except for my grandmother, whose only reservation was that she did not support gay marriage. I said that was okay, since I do not support the current framework that is used for marriages in today’s society. My employers have all been very accepting of my sexuality.

Being gay has been socially beneficial in many ways, such as the time that I put on a briefing on “Gays in Comics” for the oldest comic book club in the United States, the Comic Book Club of Ithaca (CBCI). I later gave the same presentation at UBCon at the University of Buffalo. I have also gone to the 20^th annual Gay Days in Orlando and Walt Disney World, where the main day in the Magic Kingdom was home to the biggest gathering of gay people in history. I also joined the gay group at my school, the University of Buffalo’s LGBTA.

All of this said, that was part of my time of “Newly-Born Queerdom”. After I was out of my period of Newly-Born Queerdom, I came to many gradual realizations. For example, I realized that the University of Buffalo’s LGBTA was not an advocacy group, but rather a social club, most of whose members were much younger than I and had many different interests than myself. I also realized that I was probably not completely gay. In terms of relationships, I consider myself to be gay in that I would much rather have a meaningful relationship with a man or men. However, there are a few women—not most, but a few—who sexually entice me. I currently consider myself to be Homoflexible. I am also perfectly fine with sex with or relationships with more than one person.

In my life, I have only been gay bashed once, over a course of months by a group of roommates at Tompkins Cortland Community College (TC3). I got out of that situation, although not as quickly as I had hoped. I have never been physically harmed because I am gay, but I have been called very horrible things by the aforementioned roommates. Even so, that was not the worst part of that situation. I have since realized that I am incredibly lucky compared to many people who receive or have received anti-gay bullying on a regular basis.

Since I have moved to the Washington, DC area, I have been living openly and proudly as a gay man. Among other things, I have marched in the annual Pride parade, and engaged in new friendships and relationships. On a more personal level, I have found out that I am open to polyamory, and have been in the polyamorous relationship. I am also kink positive, and am constantly exploring things on that front.

No one in my present life has a single problem with me being openly gay. Furthermore, no one where I live or in the environments in which I work has issues with it. I recognize that many others may have problems with this, and as a result, I have recorded an It Gets Better video in order to promote acceptance, both from the straight community, and from the LGBTQ community. It also serves to help people better accept themselves. Every life is worthwhile, and every person is precious.

So now you have my coming out story.